Written by Nailah Edwards
I was a 21 year old atheist without a care in the world, when Allah first made me aware of his existence. I lived each day as if there was nothing after this life, chasing momentary happiness in cheap shallow thrills of the Dunia.
Another night, another party done and once again, I was alone at home. I was getting ready for bed like any other night when I noticed the light was on outside of my room. I went out to turn it off when I felt a feeling that I had experienced once before. It was the same gripping feeling in my chest I felt when a person I knew in my youth who dabbled in spirits and black magic told me a “spirit” didn’t like my presence. The hallway was empty but I felt I wasn’t alone, I quickly shut my bedroom door and locked it. As I turned to go towards my bed something hit my door so hard the whole door shook behind me.
I was terrified, confused and completely alone, except for the one word that was in my head, a word that made me feel like I wasn’t so alone, Allah. Why Allah? I was into Buddhism, I grew up in a Christian country in an Atheist family. For the first time, and completely out of character for me I asked Allah to help me, if he even existed that was. I went to my bed a put a show on my laptop in an attempt to distract my fear enough to sleep, which I didn’t think I would! Within minutes I was fast asleep as the rain fell outside, cleansing the earth around me.
I awoke in the morning and sat on the side of my bed, what happened last night? I couldn’t explain any of it logically. As I sat there quietly I opened a conversation with God, for the first time since I was 13. “I don’t know what happened last night, but if you are there Allah, thanks. If You want me to be Muslim, You have to guide me, I won’t find my way on my own.”
“I don’t know what happened last night, but if you are there Allah, thanks. If You want me to be Muslim, You have to guide me, I won’t find my way on my own.”
As I beta tested Islam in my life over the next 7 months, and as Allah subtly prepared me for my transition into the Halal life the perfect time to see if I really had what it takes to be Muslim was approaching. Ramadan, the time of year even my most non-practicing friends were faithful Muslims.
Google was my guide at this point, I printed off a “How to pray” guide, got a couple of Hijabs and an English copy of the Quran. From day 1, Ramadan I fasted, prayed, read a Juz of Quran every day and wore hijab. I was like a lost lamb entering the prayer room for the first time at work, I had no idea what it was like inside, would there be somewhere I could do wudu? It was about half way through Ramadan and half way through the Quran after Ishaa prayer when I thought to myself “I don’t want to be these people Allah talks about in the Quran, they are blind although they can see” “What if I die tonight? If I’m not Muslim I’m going to hell!” I quickly got back on sheikh google and searched how do you do your shahada, in English. I sat quietly on my prayer mat and said to myself with Allah as my witness, “I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is his messenger”.
I sat quietly on my prayer mat and said to myself with Allah as my witness, “I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is his messenger”.
A wave of relief and security swept over me, I was safe, safe from the only punishment that would ever matter to me again.
Everything was steps, progress, a learning curve. I prayed in English for the first year I really wanted to learn and know what I was saying in my prayers, also I am completely terrible at learning languages! But I wanted to make sure I was doing it perfectly so I read every single Hadith on prayer in Sahih Muslim and Bukhari. I had such amazing support and love from the Muslims around me, and their families! I received so many different useful items, prayer mats, prayer clothes, Qurans and Hijabs.
Anyone else embarking on this journey I would tell them to do what I did, take it all step by step! Don’t take on too much at once, start with prayer, understand why we do what we do in Islam so that your foundation for doing it is built on purpose and conviction and not just, “do what you're told”. And find a revert group or support network, there will be challenges for any revert and it helps to have people behind you who have your best interests at heart.
1. Tell us about the day that you decided that you wanted to become a muslim.
I remember that day very well. I had so much excitement about this new journey, I just knew in my heart that it was meant for me! Some might call me crazy because I had only done my research for a couple of days. I understood that the basic beliefs were exactly what I had already believed my whole life. That Isa (Jesus), peace and blessing be upon him was only a prophet of God. Along with all of the other messengers peace be upon them all. It was as perfect as finding the correct key to unlock the door to my soul. As a matter of fact it couldn't have been more perfect. I was in a rush to start this new chapter of my life.
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2.What inspired you to become a Muslim?
Here's the thing, I grew up as a Baptist Christian. My whole family is Christian. And when I was a small girl, I remember I used to pray to God and I would tell Him that I knew things weren't going to be easy for me the first part of my life. God made it that way. Why? I didn't know. All i knew was that God gave me this life, and that I was going to have to struggle so that maybe others wouldn't. Like ... I'm going to live through hardship so that other people could learn from me somehow. I was 7 years old, saying this to Allah. So fast forward about 10 years. I stopped considering myself a Christian, I started identifying myself as only a spiritual person. I knew Allah existed, I just didn't agree with the beliefs of Christianity anymore. Without doing research, I just knew in my heart that Isa (jesus) alayhi salaam wasnt the son of Allah. So fastforward 8 more years. I met the first muslim i've ever known. I had never met a muslim before and if I had, I wouldnt of known. Because back then, like Lots of people, I didn't understand the difference between cultures, and religions. Anyways, this muslim I met... he was just so kind, such good character, so nice and polite and smart! Oh such a beautiful soul I met that day. I thought I met my soulmate. Just by talking with him and getting to know him, he basically was teaching me about Islam without telling me it was Islam.... if that makes sense. Finally, one day I'm with him and we are chatting and having great conversation as usual and out of nowhere he says "Brooklyn I'm surprised that you're not a muslim". I said... Why do you say that? He says "because you believe everything that a Muslim believes". So that was the day I started wondering about Islam as the religion for me.
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3.What did you find helpful during this period?
It was my best friend that made it very easy. I didn't have multiple muslims trying to teach me, or convert me. It was only my friend and his beautiful family that would teach me things when we were together. Everything that was being said about Islam was just so perfect. The questions I had weren't because I was confused, but I was just so interested in everything that I couldn't get enough of what I was being taught. I just made so much more sense than Christianity!
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4 What was your experience during the initial few weeks and months after converting to Islam?
It was so easy on me! I just took it slow and didn't rush to do anything. I was simply learning at my own pace. I would pray to Allah and ask Him to guide me as I always have because thats what led my to Islam in the first place, DUA! I would consistently always ask for guidance from my Lord and that's pretty much how I've always gone through life, praying for guidance. Nobody was forcing me to wear a hijab, even though I couldn't wait to wear it. Day by day I was learning things and it just felt right.
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5 What feelings and emotions did you experience when you took your Shahada?
Oh I was balling like a baby. It was the one thing I had prayed for my whole life.. to be guided! AND I WAS!!! It was like a snake shedding it's skin! Like a baby being born again! I felt ... refreshed, new, happy!!! Oh so purely Happy for the first time in my life, and that is NOT an exaggeration.
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6 If you were to compare your life before and after Islam, what reflections would you have to share?
Before was DARKNESS. After, is Light. With all smiles, I tell you... life is uncomparable for before and after. Lost and Found. Depressed and Happiness. I don't see a comparison there.
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7. What challenges did you encounter when you were learning how to perform salah?
I actually didn't try learning salah for months. I had prayed a couple of times with this sister that I had known before converting. She is a revert, she was born muslim and had lost her iman and found it again mashAllah. I prayed with her 2 times, and I remember thinking, ``this will be easy to learn". So about 7 months after I converted I couldn't seem to find a helpful video to learn salah with until one day a video popped up in my notifications through youtube and it was a 'learn salah video for kids'. Which was so helpful and easy and I learned to pray within under 3 weeks mashallah.
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8. What ideas do you have to teach your children to develop a love for Salah?
Inshallah when I have children I think the best way to get them to learn to love salah is by everyone praying together, and making it something we all look forward to. Children love mimicking what they see around them. They like to mock what their parents do the most. So it's very important to show excitement for prayer and make them form this love for prayer. After all we are communicating with the Lord of the universe. It's important to have tools like My Salah Mat to share the love for praying salah and learning great things about Islam.
.9. What emotions and feelings did you experience when you were praying to Allah?
Whenever I pray to Allah I just get so excited because like I said before, I've prayed for guidance my whole life. So now that I've been given the blessing of Islam, it makes me more eager to thank Allah every chance I get because of how much He has blessed me.
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10.What advice do you have for anyone that has recently converted to Islam?
It is CRUCIAL that you take your time. Take baby steps. Don't let born muslims overwhelm you with information. Don't take advice from people on social media. Even though some might mean well and have good intentions, people still have a way of coming off as rude and just unpleasant when trying to give advice. Learn from an imam or scholar or like me, a good muslim family took me in as their own and taught me slowly. This is a whole new life you've begun! So inshallah you get all the information you need through prayer and may Allah guide you to the right people to teach you.
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Forever and always
Salaam Walakum
Sister Brooklyn
Questions by My Salah Mat
It’s hard for me to pinpoint the day that I decided to become a Muslim. It was a slow process, but I remember that my (now) husband said to me one day as we were talking about Islam and what I had learned, if you believe all this you’re basically Muslim. This was in 2013, Alhamdullilah!
Very quickly after I started learning about Islam and how our prophet SAW, was the final messenger, I immediately believed Islam was the right path. I thought of the Quran as the Bible 2.0, if this came after the Bible, and was the word of God I had to follow it, there was really no question.
Of course adapting to this new religion, learning what it meant to be Muslim, all took longer, but I accepted the message of Islam soon after I received it.
I was always aware of Islam as a religion of course, but I thought about it along the lines of Judaism, you just are what you are, you are born Christian, Jew or Muslim. I never paid too much attention to what the differences were between the religions, I did know we all prayed to the same God. I knew about Ramadan and Eid because I had Muslim friends growing up, but I never went deeper than that.
Until 2012 when I moved to Bangladesh for 6 months and suddenly found myself in a Muslim majority country. I made Muslim friends, started learning more about the religion and as I said before, as a Christian and a believer, for me it was as simple as; if this Quran is the word of God, if it came after the Bible, who am I to not follow it?
Interestingly though, before moving to Bangladesh, I wasn’t practicing or very religious, I prayed, but I also drank, partied and did what every 20 year old in the West does really, without being to caught up in my faith.
After learning about Islam and seeing the happiness and peace it brought to my friends, something clicked. I did not change overnight, I did not stop drinking or eating pork right away, I did not start wearing the hijab or dressing modestly until a few years later but something shifted during those months, a seed was planted.
A lot of what we see about Islam is culture, so I really focused on the two most important things in Islam, the Quran and the life of the Prophet SAW. I wanted to know the true religion and not what society had painted it to be. Just like Christianity, Islam is coloured by the people who practice it, cutting through what’s religion and what’s culture really helped during this time I was getting to know more about Islam.
My transition into Islam was pretty gradual, I didn’t change my appearance or my actions overnight. I gradually adapted different pieces of the religion as my own.
The first weeks and months the biggest thing was probably telling my friends and family. Telling my parents was a little nerve-racking and I probably could’ve been a little more gentle about it. However, showing them that I was still the same person and the fact that changes were gradual, made it easier for them to accept.
People around me have always been very accepting and openminded about many things and I’m very blessed to say that I haven’t lost any friends or family through my conversion.
So, I never went to the mosque to officially take my shahada, I started practicing gradually and had professed my faith on many occasions, but I don’t have an actual Shahada-versiry or a moment in time where I can pinpoint; now I’m Muslim. I started praying, going to the mosque on Fridays and that was that.
I want to say my life both changed drastically after accepting Islam, and it didn’t change at all.
Looking back at the person I was in 2012, yes, I dress different, my priorities have changed, I’m more spiritual, I pray 5 times a day, don’t drink, don’t eat pork, fast, yes, a lot changes. But, I’m also a decade older, married and have two kids now 😊
I know my friends and family would say I’m still the same me, I still love to travel and explore the world, I love to eat good food, I work hard and care deeply for the people around me, and Islam didn’t magically cure the fact that I’m the biggest klutz around.
Oh boy, learning how to pray, memorizing surahs and reading Arabic have been my biggest struggles. It took me 3 years to memorize the prayers and a few surahs, I still can’t read Arabic, one thing that I really wish I would spend more time on.
I know it’s important for converts to give themselves grace, especially living in the West, we don’t always have the resources at our disposal to learn Arabic or how to pray. I’m blessed with amazing in-laws that have helped me so much and continue to push me to be a better Muslim.
My children are young, 20 months and 3 weeks 😊 I’m so excited to see my toddler joining us in prayer and grabbing my scarf when she knows it’s time. I can’t wait for them to be a bit older and incorporate My Salah Mat in our prayer routines.
Looking back at my childhood and how my parents approached prayer, it was woven throughout our days, waking up, eating, going to bed, whenever you needed a conversation with God he was there. I want to instil that relationship with God in my children as well and I think a tool like My Salah Mat is the perfect way to do so.
One of the biggest shifts in my conversations with God and prayer, is that Islam teaches you to ask God for anything, ask God for your hearts’ desire, your biggest dreams and then leave it up to him. A dua was something completely foreign to me.
My relationship with God was, and still is, one of gratitude, you’d thank God for what you have and you’d pray for others. Asking God for things for myself was something I just didn’t do, I always thought God had better things to do and there are people more deserving of his help than me. Islam thought me that nobody is too small to ask for help or sustenance from their Creator. We should ask God and then leave it in His hands, because He is the one that gives and provides.
Take is slow! One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received was: things will make sense when you are ready for it. If something you learn about Islam seems difficult or is hard to grasp, it might not be the time for you to adapt that practice.
Wearing hijab, giving up things that are haram, learning how to pray, it will all fall into place the moment you are ready. Islam gives us a complete blueprint on life and how to be a good person, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Take it one step at a time and try not to change everything about your life all in one day.
There is so much pressure I feel on converts to immediately be a “perfect” Muslim and know all the things. The “perfect” Muslim doesn’t exist and even born Muslims don’t know everything. If you put too much pressure on yourself you might start to resent the religion for what “it’s making you do” but Islam can’t make you do anything only you can. So, go easy on yourself and know that God knows your heart and your intentions.
To purchase the My Salah Mat sister Cathy was referring too please click on the image below.
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